Life Advice the Bolton Way




Thursday, July 28, 2011

dirty socks unite

Dear Bolton Carley,
My husband NEVER picks up his dirty socks!  I have asked him a million times to throw them in the laundry, and every time, I find them scattered randomly around the house.  It feels like all I do is pick up socks.  What should I do?
Help me!
Becky

Dear Becky,
We all completely understand the sock drop and feel your pain.  However, before I go any further, I have to ask if this is a case of the Grandfathered T-shirt Clause.* (see below for explanation)  Unfortunately, if this was a habit he came with and you knew about it prior to marrying him, I hate to tell you that now you have to live with it.  That’s not to say that you can’t try making your case anyway, it’s just that if you don’t fare well, you can’t divorce him over it. J 
Now, from what you’ve said, I assume that you’ve been picking up his nasty-ass, sweat-infested, polluted socks when he leaves them like an Easter egg hunt for you throughout the house.  This is Pavlov’s Dog principle all over again, my friend.  He chucks the socks behind the recliner and magically they end up washed, dried, and in his drawer again.  Of course, he’s going to leave them for you wherever he wants, and shame on you for not having a laundry basket in every room so it’s easier for him (jk).   (He’s suggested it, hasn’t he?)
Anyway, you can handle this however you want, but now that he has a routine, it will be even harder to break.  One of my favorite attacks is to go ahead and pick them up.  Then deposit them in his pillowcase.  It sends a message, but it’s only appropriate if you have a bantering relationship.  If you don’t, you could just pile them next to the washing machine but not actually wash them.  If he ends up going to buy new ones before washing his own, so be it.  It will still be an inconvenience and though he may not admit it, I bet things change in the long run. 
So here’s the bottom line:  if he did it from the get-go, you’re stuck with it.  If it was an acquired habit in which he started taking advantage of you, make him remember what it would be like without you…
Sincerely,
BC
*Grandfathered T-shirt Clause:  applies to any articles of clothing or bad habit he had when you met him, e.g.  his horrible high school football t-shirt you wore the first time you stayed over thinking it was cute and now despise because it’s the only thing he wears on the weekend.  Therefore, because it was there before you, it is grandfathered in.  You just have to put up with it.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

i'm waiting on her again!

Dear Bolton Carley,
My friend is constantly late.  If we go to a restaurant, a concert or even shopping, it doesn’t matter.  She’s always at least 15 minutes late.  Sometimes, I think she thinks her time is more valuable than mine because I’m a stay-at-home mom so it’s no big deal if I have to sit around and wait for her.  I love her to death, but I’m sick of waiting!
Jara in Atlanta

Dear Jara,
So your friend is pulling an Elizabeth Taylor, huh?  I’m sorry that you get stuck checking email on your smartphone or cleaning out your purse while your friend is lollygagging.  That’s so not okay.  The way I figure it though, she still ranks as a friend and sometimes you have to put up with or overlook irritating qualities in your friends.  Trust me.  I’ve overlooked some bad hair dye jobs, a hacking cough habit, and some inappropriate groping.  It’s just what we do for our friends.  And I’m sure you have no bad habits or unlikeable personality traits that she tolerates (ha ha). 
Now, that being said, you can still handle the situation.  I’d recommend mentioning to her every time she’s late how long you’ve been waiting.  She’ll get the not-so-subtle hint.  Then again, you can take the pansy-ass route (which is my usual approach) and simply tell her 15 minutes prior to when you plan on being there.  If she happens to be on time due to some rare alignment of the stars or her need to get out of the house before her mother-in-law shows up, don’t worry about it.  She wouldn’t.
Bottom line though:  Good friends are hard to come by.  Think before you rip her a new one.

Sincerely,
bc

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Bossy Co-workers

Dear Bolton Carley,
I’m tired of this woman I work with.  She is constantly bossing me around even though she does not rank above me.  She literally puts her hands on her hips and tells everyone else in the room what they are doing wrong.  Yesterday, she told me that I should have used blue ink instead of black ink on a stupid title.  It takes all my willpower to not scream, “Shut up!” at her.  What should I do instead?


Dear Bossed Around,
Everybody has a bossy pants at work.  It’s a shame you have to deal with her.  Being a control freak myself, I have to think one of the following scenarios might be true:
1.        She needs the money and can’t afford for anyone to screw up a project.
2.       She has no control over her home life or her sex life (uh-oh!) or some other sector of her life, so she focuses on work.
3.       She likes to be in charge and doesn’t necessarily realize she’s being a pain in the arse.
That being said, these are your best options when dealing with Bossy Pants:
A.      Limit your time with her, but be very prompt and accurate in your work.
B.      Suck up to her and thank her for her efforts in getting this all done correctly.  Guaranteed she will be thankful to hear she’s appreciated and take mercy on you (if no one else)!
C.      Take an interest in her personal life.  Ask questions and get to know her.  Most people when engaged become less hard core on the topic at hand.
Then again, you could just call her out as a bossy bitch and complain to your co-workers like the rest of the American working force.  (Note that said advice giver was being facetious, not serious.)
Sincerely,
Bolton Carley